Last Semester...

my life got really out of my control. I was kind of just floating around in a lot of shitty situations, feeling pretty helpless. And I shut down. I am still a little shut down.

Here is where I am:
1. Sick. I can't eat without intense pain. I'm going under a lot of anesthesia and getting a lot of tests. and the only thing the doctors can tell me is that it is probably all due to stress and will calm down if I keep taking medicine and I'm patient. I hate this. I tried to believe what the world taught me: that emotions don't mean anything, I'm a girl and I'm overreacting. And now I'm getting proof that this isn't true. It's taking me a while to digest, maybe because my stomach is a wreck.

2. Not finished with my semester. I still have two classes to finish. I am sicker than I have ever been before so this isn't as easy as it sounds. Between crying, trying to find the laying down position that hurts the least, and sleeping it all off it is hard to find time to write papers about things like Mussolini. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Except keep writing when I feel good. So far I have 2.5/6 papers done. Yikes.

3. Scholarship-less. Although I have submitted a pretty convincing appeal, and a couple of teachers have written on my behalf, I have no way of knowing if my scholarship is returning. I just know that I'm scared. By the way I totally cried when I read the teachers e-mails fighting for me. Those Trinity professors really have my back.

4. Lost. I am lost and missing almost everyone who reminds me that life has meaning. I miss my best friends at school. I miss my boyfriend. Not to say that I don't have Colorado people, because I do. It is just. Missing is hard.


Here is where I want to be:
I want to figure some things out. Like what I need to value most in life. If I'm going to change myself, or just get back on my feet and make the same mistakes. I need to figure out what I learned from this last semester. Because I'm still not sure. I just know maybe I let myself take too much crap. Maybe I shutdown too much. Maybe I didn't stand up for myself enough. But these are all things I have yet to figure out and this blog is already getting long so...

I'll leave you with this: I am seeking encouragement. I am seeking empowerment. I am seeking God. If you feel you can help with any of that, do not hesitate. Because right now I'm confused about how I'm going to survive life if I couldn't even get through sophomore year, but I know that is a little melodramatic.

Thanks if you made it this far.

Ready...

Spring is here!

Well friends. I am ready. I'm not quite sure for what but I feel like jumping out of my skin in anticipation. You know what that means... spring is here!

And I have a lot going on. Between catching up on classes (oops), finishing classes, getting sick, and OPUS... I don't have time for much else. 

But I am happy. Do you know why I am happy? I get to wear shorts. The sun is out. And things are turning green. If the world can wake itself up from its winter gloom, so my friends can I. 

Our room ever underwent some spring cleaning. If you know anything at all about Kaity and I you know our room will never look pristine.

Africa!

In other news I am going to apply for spring 2014 semester in KENYA. I am picking the application up after English class today. I am seriously excited about this opportunity. There are a couple of pros and cons. 

PRO: Living in Kenya for a semester would be boss. 

PRO: I would be able to get a new tattoo. I've always wanted an excuse to be attached to tasteful tribal patterns.  

PRO: I already bought a tribal top, no going back now.  

CON: I am really going to like my living situation next year and leaving them would suck. 

CON: I would have to get way better at blogging.

BUT SERIOUSLY GUYS, AFRICA!

I think that is all my updates. I'm going to go tend to some (MORE) OPUS labeling now. 

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Content.

My nerves have been of edge recently. I am highly paranoid and in a hyper intensive emotional state.
No, I'm not smoking the herbal, but I am happy.

 I am happy where I am. Not everything is good right now, but the important things are. So naturally I'm a nervous wreck. I can see myself gripping on to my reality so tightly that I am crushing it. I do not want this to happen! So I need to get a grip, and by a grip I mean a looser grip. Hmm. Just wanted to tell you I'm happy.

I think I am getting the hang of this whole relationship thing. I like having a boyfriend, and that is unusual. But he is kind of fantastic. So I'm lucky.


Short blog post. Here have some triangles!

This snow.

This snow has got my craving a break; its only Tuesday! I have two tests tomorrow, both are going to be hard in there own way. It is going to be weird to have a history test. I haven't studied for a test like that in ages. Last semester I had ALL projects and papers. My other test is a type test.

I have to be able to tell the difference between these types by only using a couple of random letters.

So wish me luck with that.

Mostly though I am just blogging to talk about my friend. He name is Brittany and I miss her.
I spent the afternoon with her, surviving the ghetto. I wish she could just move back in our room and we could hang out all the time. I mean I just miss her! She has my sense of humor, she is so nice to talk to and we just laugh a lot.

She made me start thinking about friends. It have friends in a lot of different places. Colorado, Nebraska, Estonia, Illinois, Indiana. I don't see some of them very much but when I do the time is golden, I wouldn't trade it for anything, and that is how I know I've found a good egg. And yesterday with my friend Brittany time was golden. We need to hang out more because we live in the same place at the same time and well, what are the chances of that!? I don't know we'll have to ask someone in statistics.

Thats all.

Oh my Blogger!

I am blogging two days in a row. I think I need to calm it down a little. I just cant. I wanted to tell ya'll a little bit about my break. Since school got out (well kind of I secretly am not done with my semester yet) I have done a whole lot... of nothing. But here are the big things I can report.

I cleaned my room. But Cassandra that sounds so boring. Well, it was but it took a good 10 hours of my break so I have to brag about it with before and after pictures of course.













I bound a book, then told every form of social media I belong to about it. Because I am proud of that craziness. The thing about my book is that is is the perfect size and weight. I just love to carry it around. I am a nerd. So be it. I even made it with water color paper so I can paint in it. Silly art majors




I Skyped with this kid a lot, because lets face it, I suck at not being with him.

I went to a poetry slam. Seriously how pretty are these lights?
Lets do this in our dorm room. Screw lights only at Christmas rules. Why do those rules even exist!?

I also did some laundry.


















So there you go folks! Add a lot of Netflix, a trip to the dentist, the Sims 3, and a bunch of zzzzzzzzzzz's and you have my winter break.

Its been nice doing nothing but I'm ready to get back to school. I miss people, my roomies especially.

I also overhauled my blog. Just take a moment to admire it, because I had to fight with HTML, Indesign and Photoshop all day yesterday.

BYE!

Feeling Stronger

If you are one of those people how have endlessly been telling me that they haven't seen me in a while: I'm sorry if I reacted rudely. Truth was I hadn't seen myself in a while either, hence my blog not seeing me in a while.

I guess that is weird phrasing"I haven't seen myself in a while either". It was true on 2 levels:
 1) I hadn't looked in the mirror in a while so on that level it was true. This was due to busyness. I'm sure I walked around looking like a dead zombie for a while.
 2) I hadn't felt myself in a while. Something in early November knocked me down in the dumps, I'm still not sure what it was. It had a strange effect on me. I became so unbearably sad, and life got out of my hands. Homework got harder, getting out of bed got harder, hell everything got harder. During this time I kept to myself and a couple other people. It was like my mind went absent took a really long inconvenient vacation. But it's coming back, I'm feeling better. 

So if I responded rudely to you It was probably out of frustration. I still don't know why this came and went, I still don't know if it will return. I'm hoping and praying like crazy that it doesn't come back.



During this time I developed a mantra that I repeated to myself when I needed to fight my slump. It went like this:

Do not run, Pray pray pray, Be here now

This mantra addressed in order all the things I would need to make myself do when I came across something it felt like I couldn't handle. Because the first thing I would do was run, this came via skipping classes, walking away (physically) from my homework or someone that was stressing me out. Then I needed to focus myself on letting God help me, because I was staying (which was hella' hard), and God has got so much more strength than me. And finally I would need to convince myself not to check out mentally, (i.e. pay attention in class, do the homework I was making myself sit in front of) and only because of the previous step was this possible.


I'm sorry for not being around, but life just got really hard for a while and taking care of myself was something I needed to concentrate on. I anticipate next semester to be much different.

I love you, I hope you'll take me back.

Miss Cassandra

Do I look as different as I feel?

Lately a lot of people have taken to calling me Miss Cassandra. I noticed it first with my friend Adam. I sent him an e-mail explaining somethings pertaining to dating. An e-mail which said caused him to gain respect for me. Ever since I have been Miss Cassandra. It just happened again with my friend Hart. I was talking to Hart about his life and how I know that there wasn't much I could tell him to make things better but I would do what I could to be there for him. And I became her again, Ms. Cassandra.

The thing is I am becoming a Ms. Cassandra. I've heard lots of people talk about how they didn't even notice they were growing up, but I feel it, and frankly its kind of painful. At the same time, I feel amazing; I am becoming someone strong. I am speaking my mind and spending time with God. I am become the Miss Cassandra that I've always known I wanted to be, but was to lazy or rebellious to become. I can pin point the day this started and the events along the way.

I know I don't look as strong as I feel. I need to life some weights.

Here is a slice of what I have been thinking about growing up lately.

I realize it is trivial to assign steps to growing up, this is a common theme I've been observing:
Realizing where you have been. Realizing where you are. Realizing where you want to be. Doing something about it. I think to realize where you want to be you have to realize where you are. I think to realize where you are you have to realize where you have been.

For a long time I have been stuck in the realizing where you are stage. I've known for so long where I was. I was well aware of the fact that I was doing a lot of things that were not glorifying God. I definitely knew where I had been because that was causing me to act like I was. I thought I had some sort of excuse for hanging around in those juvenile times for a while. I didn't want to move on, I wanted to rebel, I wanted to kick and scream.

Maybe I had good reason, maybe I just wasn't ready to move on. But I started to want to want to move on, which is in fact different than wanting to move on. Then that want to want turned into pure wanting. So I examined what I wanted my future to look like. Not too closely, because lets face it I like to ride life like roller coaster. So I didn't picture my job or my husband or anything like that, I more pictured the character I wanted to have. Devout Christian, caring, strong, encouraging, someone who lives life the right way, I could go on but I'll spare my blog readers from a terribly long post.

Anyway after reveling in where I was, I started taking steps. I turned back to God, found him waiting with open arms. I am running from my vices. I am thinking critically about the relationships I enter (an encouraging others to do the same). Today I told my my mom what I thought. I stood up for myself in a way I never have before and I thought, "Where the hell is this coming from!?"

Now I remember.
That was Miss Cassandra speaking.
And damn do I like her.

'Work Hard' 'Give Birth' Day

I woke up at noon and an hour later I am still laying in bed blogging (and eating gobstoppers), ON A MONDAY. How is it possible? Labor Day that's how!

I have been back at school for just over a week (9 days) and have had two days of classes. Needless to say, for me it has been pretty chill around here.  So I will now ignore my homework by giving you a dorm room tour!

Tour Time!

Here is one angle of the room

The beds

The beds!
1. My bed
2. Kaity's bed
3. The rug that is so happy to walk on. (my mom and i walked on all the rugs in Target barefoot until we found the happiest one to walk on.)
4. My bookshelf (see detail below)
5. My dresser/ shelves/our bedside tables
6. The window (see detail below)
7. Kaity's desk

If you turn around!

1. Kaity's dresser and bookshelf
2. Our lamp (so our room doesn't look like a hospital)
3. The door (don't let it hit you on the way out!)
4. Kaity's desk
5. A trashcan!
6. Random stuff I put in front of the door due to rebellion
7. The AC unit that takes up too much of our room. And the mirror we hung on it so we would hate it less. We aren't allowed to put anything in front of it. 

On to my beautiful bookshelf

Bookshelf

 

 

 

 

1. All the cosmo you could ever read!
2. My fiction books
3. My school books
4. My Art books
5. My Devos/ Bibles/ Jorunals/ Stuff to make and mail letters
6. Fun non-fiction books I love reading.

The window!

Has an amazing view of shirtless boys playing volleyball. Not that we ever shamelessly watch them (with snacks).

Sitting Room

Due to lack of room in our room our
1. Fridge
2. My desk/ craft bin
and
3. Kaitys food and who else knows what

were moving to the front room. It all worked out pretty well.

Now you know exactly how my room looks.


On being back:

It is still a constant stuggle to convince Kaity that the devil is not in our room so all is normal there and I am absolutely adoring living with Brittany and Abby. The laughs are endless and there is always good company. I think that sophomore year is going to be a blasty blast!

More on my classes later. I think I'll actually do some homework now then go to IHOP!




Love you!

The Problem With Tee Shirts

I am not the Tee Shirt wearing type of girl. I always kind of wished I was because they always look so sporty and effortlessly cool, but when it comes down to me getting dressed in the morning the last thing I want to put on is a tee shirt.


I am writing this to you while I take a break from cleaning my room, you read that right I'm cleaning.

Trust me this is a big improvement.

Today while I've cleaned my room, I have stumbled upon many many tee shirts. Tee shirts frustrate me to no end because they all represent something I want to remember (i.e. South Hall, Young Life Camp, Kony 2012, college visits, The Starkenburg Quitich Team, the list goes on and on and on), so I end up keeping all of these shirts I never ever wear.

Haha remember Kony?

All of this cleaning and clothes sorting has been making me worry a bit. If you have ever helped clean my dorm room, or seem me with a bag of Laundry, you know I have A LOT of clothing. I have been trying to narrow it down but I seem to be attached to every piece of clothing I own, except the tee shirts which I have to keep on principle. I have no idea how I'm going to choose what to take to college I know one thing for sure though: I need to take less clothes than I did last year. We have smaller closets this year :(

Anyway if you have any suggestions for packing for college let me know. I love you!

Difficult Conversations

I have been having a lot of difficult conversations lately. Some over text, some in person but all equally difficult. I think it might be making me braver though. Possibly more confident but definitely they make me feel relieved.

Have you spoken whats on your mind lately?
I have.

Dear Rest of the summer,

Hurry your ass up. I want to go back to Chicago.

When I am back in Denver I realize just how cool living in Chicago should be. Why is it so hard for me to get into the city. I can't believe I live by all that culture and I never take a Saturday to saunter around a beautiful city.

So I'm making a list of next school year resolutions:
1. Hit the city at least once a month.
2. Get involved in the gallery scene downtown. I love art damn it.
3. Go on more late night adventures. (including but not limited to Omegas, the White Palace Grill in the city, and the Chi Cafe in Chinatown)
4. Meet people from the U of C. By this I mean creep on their college a bit, hang out in their coffee shops and things like that until I make some damn friends.
5. Read more. I've been reading a lot this summer and I miss it.
6. Don't act cliquish towards freshmen. I HATE Trinity's cliquish ways and I refuse to go into that cycle.
7. Get breakfast with cool people I care about. (i.e. Leah Laky, Alissa Vander Wilt, Courtney Roosevelt, all my Froomies)
8. Do my laundry more often. I think it will be easier in Alumni
9. Save my flex for the end of the semester.
10. Don't forget about my Denver self. When I am in Denver I find myself looking for adventure and being outgoing. That person faded into the distance when I went to Chicago the first time. I don't want to loose me.
11. Finally do better at keeping in touch with people from back home.

I know I am early on this list but trust me more items will be coming. I just really miss school. Who ever thought I would miss that tiny Trinity campus?

You know it is hot in the Alumni Gym when...

Running in the Alumni Gym was quite the experience. I was super nervous, so nervous in fact that I skipped the sign-in sheet, which I got in trouble for about two steps later. I signed in and took the treadmill by the drinking fountain, rookie mistake. As it turns out lots of people drink out of that drinking fountain, no kidding people in a gym drink water!? Anyway they would drink, turn around, and there would be my panting and flushed self looking pathetic.

Never Again

The is no service in the Gym so I couldn't use TinyShark to play my usual running playlist which left me with only the Shins or Ray LaMontagne. So the Shins obviously won that battle. Not the best running music, next time I'll bring my iPod.

I do not know if it is the change in altitude or the fact that I have been running everyday for a little over a week now but today running was not so hard. I didn't hate every second of it which is kind of unusual.

Where are we on here?

Also the Alumni Gym was HOT! So many bodies sweating and steaming in a little gym in the basement on a hot humid day. Yumm-o. It didn't take long for those satisfying trickles of seat to come pouring down my face, the things that make me happy when I run are gross and silly.

You know it is hot in the Alumni Gym when you walk into South Hall and it feels good and cool.

Next time I go to the Alumni Gym (tomorrow) I want:
to find a time when not as many people are there
the treadmill far away from that blasted drinking fountain
to remember to sign the sing-in sheet
and to have better music 


Run on. Run on. Life is good. I'm back at Trinity and this day is making me incredibly happy.

Hope your Monday is great!

Cassandra Lee

Running.

It is March, it has been for 14 days! So I guess it is a little late to pick a March goal, but I picked one anyway. Actually I picked it on the 10th if that makes you feel any better.

I don't know how this goal came to be honestly. I was just in the gym and I was doing the whole elliptical thing when I looked up saw the treadmill. And something got into me. A little voice from somewhere said, "You can do it, you can run". I of course laughed at that voice. It didn't leave though. So I listened.

I got off the elliptical walked over to the treadmill and started to walk. Then I started to run. It didn't last very long probably four minutes, yes pathetic. Then I walked some more. Then I ran again.

Kind of what I look like right now.

I left the gym thinking I hated every second of that. But I did love the number of calories I burned.

The next day, I went to the gym again. And headed straight to the treadmill. That is when I knew that this was going to be a thing, I was going to run. Another pathetic day of alternating and I knew I needed a plan.

This is where Pintrest came in. When I need a plan I turn to Pintrest and that led me to a site called superskinnyme.com (a really nice resource for all things fitness) and found a plan for beginning runners (http://www.superskinnyme.com/beginner_running_program.html, if you want to try with me). But Cassandra that is a ten week plan! March isn't ten weeks. Actually I have plans to run everyday, yes everyday, until July 6 then I will probably take it down to 3x a week.  I'm starting on week 3 because that is basically what I had been doing.

I'm going to be a runner.

My Plan, this goes on for 4 pages.

 (p.s. I've already lost 3 lbs, which makes convincing myself to run a hell of a lot easier)

After four days of running everyday, I still dislike it but I don't hate it. I can do this. Plus I'm training in Colorado which means (fingers crossed) it will be easier to run when I get back to good old Chicago.

V-Day

If you have ever spoken with me about love or romance you may have noticed I'm a bit of a cynic. That is because despite me gorgeous (average) looks and bubbly (actually pretty boring) personality I'm not good with the men. Sometimes I can pick them up but then I get so bored so fast or they do. It all just seems kind of hopeless and a bit pointless at this point.

So here I sit on Valentines day thanking about my approach to love. And although I say terrible things about it almost all the time, I want you to know I love love. I just haven't found it yet. And one day I will find someone that doesn't make me bored out of my mind. I'll get giggly and you will see a whole new Cassandra but until then I'll give you  a list of things I do love:

1. You, obviously
2. Trinity -it is such a God thing I am here. I'll tell you the story sometime if you want
3. Starkenburg Floor- because really who doesn't
4. My close friends- you know who you are!
5. Boys mid sections when they yawn and their shirt lifts up just enough for you to see their muscles- .... What was I doing again?
6. Tumblr- I am hopelessly addicted
7. My family- They are truly amazing and supportive. The more I learn about other people and their families the more I appreciate mine.
8. My dogs- I miss you Maggie and Marley
9. Dinner- I realize this now because I didn't go and now there a grumbling in my tumtum.
10. America- *moment of respectful silence* I'm so lucky to live in a place where I can go to school for what I want while embracing my religion.
Which brings me to God- He da man! Why do I love him so much? Come to bible study and find out.


I could go on but you probably got bored around number six.

Happy day. Remember what and who you love. And if you are single, hit the town, don't mope or I'll hit you. No seriously there is nothing I hate more than a moper.

Love,
Cassandra.

A trip to Indianapolis

This weekend I went to visit my friend Marlin in Indianapolis. It made me remember so much that I had forgotten about my high school life. Some of the things I had forgotten were probably best left in the past but others deserved way more attention than I was giving them. Marlin is one of the most inspirational people in this world. She reminds me that there is reason to strive to be good.

I have struggled, well I struggle, with lots of distractions. And I had been coming to a point in my life where I began to believe that it was okay for me to do the things I was doing. Who cared anyway? I thought "I'm young, I'll blame it on that later". I guess seeing Marlin reminded me of just how God filled a person could be. She is such a shining spirit and I could be too. I've just got to drop the shit. Who cares that I was doing wrong? It doesn't matter I should care.

And there is my self improvement tidbit of the day.
Until next time have a wonderful day!

The Winds Are Changing

Dearest Darlings,

I like change, it is no secret. Maybe I am too addicted to the thought of change, the thought of new things. Lately my life had been so... steady. I miss having a rush, having a thrill. I need a little rebellion. I truly do take after my mother in this way. The thing about being a change addict is that it is impractical. I would consider it one of my biggest weaknesses. It is dangerous and could be harmful. Not just to me but to my relationships with my friends and family (and if I ever get one a boyfriend).

My roomie and I have been joking around about improving ourselves. Well what if I did? What if I found something I didn't like about myself to work on every month this year? It is February and I am making a resolution. Stability.

Luckily I took a monastic interim and  I have a wonderful Philosophy teacher who lets me borrow from his personal collection of monastic books. Monks happen to know a lot about stability. They live with the same routine every week of their entire life. So I have resources to help me.

I am going to try embracing where I am in life. Enjoying the things that are happening, even if they happen daily. The first way I'm going to change myself is to not seek change. Congrats Cassandra you've made a paradox.

Later Lovelies

p.s. I could totally add blogging to my stable routine. That would be pretty cool. 

I surrendered

Goodnight Gorgeous-ness-es 
Believing what I blog... I recently surrendered to God's plan for me. I let go of a situation that should not have been in my hands in the first place. I have been rewarded with peace and comfort from God. Tonight was difficult, don't let me trick you into thinking otherwise, but I just feel sweet relief. They don't call this the straight and narrow, less frequently walked path for nothing. But I have God and I have Kaity, Lori, Brittany, Caroline, Emmy, and Shma. I have my freedom back and I feel confident I am on the path that God wants me to be on. Knowing this makes this night (not easy but) easier.
I hope your night is swell,
Cassandra

Surrender.

Aloha Amigos!

There are two ways to think of surrendering. 

1. The act of admitting you have lost and giving up.

or

2. The act of letting go and giving away your control.

I think so many times in my faith I struggle with surrendering. I either go with option number one or I flat out refuse to surrender. The problem with option number one is after I give up I no longer pay attention to the problem at hand. Too often I am guilty of letting the words "Oh Well" cover a situation that probably needed more attention. In the situation of refusing to surrender I find that I think I can fix a situation beyond my control. This starts a whole chain of problems that in the end leads to me not only getting the incorrect outcome but also leads me to the dangerous place of being displeased with myself. 

It is probably best to just go for option two from the start. Although we know it is for the better, it is still a scary thing to do. God will no doubt do what is best for us in the situation; so, why is it so hard to trust him? I think it is because of the factor of the unknown. What if God does something that we wouldn't do ourselves? What if God's solution to our problem isn't so pretty? I find myself prying my fingers off the situation one by one until I finally fall, trusting that God will have out his safety net.  And his solution to the problem may be hard to swallow but in the big picture it will be a beautiful answer to a much bigger problem than the one on the surface.

I like this method better because the whole "Oh Well" factor isn't there. I have to pay attention to what God is saying. There is no way for me to not care about what happens next. In a way option two makes me more involved in the situation than I was in the first place. And along the way my relationship with my heavenly father, who I love so dearly, is taken to a new level. 

Surrender my lovelies. Take the leap. 

Cassandra

Sunday Solitude

Shalom Sweeties,

It is Sunday, the day I look forward to all week. 

I must say I have never been so excited for a Monday to roll around. Weekends are usually nice break from those pesky Monday through Friday's but something about this weekend was just extremely undesirable. 

But today on Sunday I found the peace of God. I talked with close friends. I worshiped God, giving him my whole heart. I felt peace settle into my mind and relax my body. It is sad how I never make time for myself to spend with God. My relationship with God doesn't need to be this broken. I need some consistency.

How's your walk with God? When is the last time you let him hold you?

Namaste,

Cassandra 

A Starkenburk Saturday!

Howdy hooligans!
What a start to the weekend it has been. Here is the happenings: 
Last night: Movie with boyfriend! (In Time every last cast member was beautiful!)

Then a straight hour of Phineas and Ferb which I seem to be very addicted to. 

In between today and yesterday: I woke up fully clothed and really confused at three and freaked out to my roommate for about ten minutes then passed out again.

Today: Nothing too eventful happened early in the day. But this evening I went on a lovely shopping trip with the boy and the roomie. But I had an amazing night with the girls on my floor. I did this...

to three girls on my floor during Spa Night tonight.
And that is my weekend so far!

I need to take some time to give thanks for an amazing friend I have here. Tonight I learned that we can run to each other. Times get hard, things get confusing and it is nice to have someone I know will be honest with me when I ask her advise. In fact I am really blessed for all the friends I have here. God had placed me in a truly amazing place.

Hope all is well in your neck of the woods,
Cassandra