If you are one of those people how have endlessly been telling me that they haven't seen me in a while: I'm sorry if I reacted rudely. Truth was I hadn't seen myself in a while either, hence my blog not seeing me in a while.
I guess that is weird phrasing"I haven't seen myself in a while either". It was true on 2 levels:
1) I hadn't looked in the mirror in a while so on that level it was true. This was due to busyness. I'm sure I walked around looking like a dead zombie for a while.
2) I hadn't felt myself in a while. Something in early November knocked me down in the dumps, I'm still not sure what it was. It had a strange effect on me. I became so unbearably sad, and life got out of my hands. Homework got harder, getting out of bed got harder, hell everything got harder. During this time I kept to myself and a couple other people. It was like my mind went absent took a really long inconvenient vacation. But it's coming back, I'm feeling better.
So if I responded rudely to you It was probably out of frustration. I still don't know why this came and went, I still don't know if it will return. I'm hoping and praying like crazy that it doesn't come back.
During this time I developed a mantra that I repeated to myself when I needed to fight my slump. It went like this:
Do not run, Pray pray pray, Be here now
This mantra addressed in order all the things I would need to make myself do when I came across something it felt like I couldn't handle. Because the first thing I would do was run, this came via skipping classes, walking away (physically) from my homework or someone that was stressing me out. Then I needed to focus myself on letting God help me, because I was staying (which was hella' hard), and God has got so much more strength than me. And finally I would need to convince myself not to check out mentally, (i.e. pay attention in class, do the homework I was making myself sit in front of) and only because of the previous step was this possible.
I'm sorry for not being around, but life just got really hard for a while and taking care of myself was something I needed to concentrate on. I anticipate next semester to be much different.
I love you, I hope you'll take me back.
I guess that is weird phrasing"I haven't seen myself in a while either". It was true on 2 levels:
1) I hadn't looked in the mirror in a while so on that level it was true. This was due to busyness. I'm sure I walked around looking like a dead zombie for a while.
2) I hadn't felt myself in a while. Something in early November knocked me down in the dumps, I'm still not sure what it was. It had a strange effect on me. I became so unbearably sad, and life got out of my hands. Homework got harder, getting out of bed got harder, hell everything got harder. During this time I kept to myself and a couple other people. It was like my mind went absent took a really long inconvenient vacation. But it's coming back, I'm feeling better.
So if I responded rudely to you It was probably out of frustration. I still don't know why this came and went, I still don't know if it will return. I'm hoping and praying like crazy that it doesn't come back.
During this time I developed a mantra that I repeated to myself when I needed to fight my slump. It went like this:
Do not run, Pray pray pray, Be here now
This mantra addressed in order all the things I would need to make myself do when I came across something it felt like I couldn't handle. Because the first thing I would do was run, this came via skipping classes, walking away (physically) from my homework or someone that was stressing me out. Then I needed to focus myself on letting God help me, because I was staying (which was hella' hard), and God has got so much more strength than me. And finally I would need to convince myself not to check out mentally, (i.e. pay attention in class, do the homework I was making myself sit in front of) and only because of the previous step was this possible.
I'm sorry for not being around, but life just got really hard for a while and taking care of myself was something I needed to concentrate on. I anticipate next semester to be much different.
I love you, I hope you'll take me back.
Cassandra, my dear, Cassandra. You are wonderful and I am praying for you. I love you dearly and am looking forward to being reunited soon! And I am in love with the new blog design! It's so great! I love you.
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